The miraculous makeup aisle

After going to the gym tonight I for some reason decided that it was imperative that I stop at Shoppers Drugmart to purchase some kind of makeup that would help even out a the colour of a few problem areas on my face. The problem areas are reddish patches where capillaries have ruptured as a result of exposure to way too much sun and wind. They’re not really that bad and not that noticeable but I’m just a little bit self conscious about them and am convinced that people can see them from 20 blocks away.

owieowieIn reality there is only one small patch – there used to lots more on my cheeks but I had them removed with LASER treatments that were painful and painfully expensive. Painful might be a bit of an understatement as it actually hurt like hell as the LASER is actually toasting the little tiny capillaries, and that hurts about as much as a bee sting.

Not just a bee sting, but a whole pile of bee stings as the LASER is moved around the area that needs to be treated, firing one pulse after another. I think it was about 100 pulses per treatment.


That’s what I looked like a few days after the first session with the LASER. My face was puffy and bloated – it was swollen and looked like a madman had taken bingo markers to it My face hurt. It hurt when I moved, it hurt when I was still, it hurt when I tried to sleep. It hurt for about a week. Then a few weeks later it was back for another session.


This last patch will be corrected by electrolysis, a process where a little tiny and very sharp needle pierces the skin and the capillaries are toasted by electrical current. Not a pleasant process but not as bad as LASER – at least that’s my opinion.

Back to the makeup.

I don’t wear makeup – there’s a number of reasons for this, not the least of which is that I have more skill assembling nuclear submarines than I do with makeup, I don’t really go to many places where makeup is required and I don’t think I really need to use makeup, face paint or war paint.

Okay, so maybe I would like to user a little bit of makeup to miraculously transform myself from the troll that I am into a beautiful fairy princess. Then again, maybe not.

What I really want is to just even things out a little bit and maybe in a small way feel a bit better about myself and perhaps bolster my self esteem and self image a wee bit. Those would be the same reasons that I go to the gym and try to eat healthy foods, lay off the chips, pizza and wine.

Anyhow – I tell the cosmetics lady what I am looking for – a miracle product that will not wind up with the rest of the miracle products that lay hidden and unused in my closet full of miracle makeup products. I also mention that I want something that I can use with my limited skill (as in non-existent) and wear to the gym, hiking or shopping.

I wind up with a little tube of liquid stuff that I can just smear around with my finger.

I’ll let you know how this one works out…

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